Sexier Than Shit

What is it about LL Cool J?

I'm the type of guy . . .

And Sonic Youth?

Kool Thing . . . sitting with a kitty . . . .

I'm transported.

Then and Now and Then and This . . . Again

One of the beauties, and certainly one of the horrors, of Facebook is that it can suddenly reflect your past right at you -- over coffee.

Boom.

They come back and find you . . . "Kenyon Beth? Oh my GOD!" and then suddenly waves of it wash up and there is LW (who is now LR) and her adoring Dr. Husband and two lovely children. She lives in NY and runs their Planned Parenthood. She's still as beautiful as she was when she was 20. And she's done everything right. Or so it seems.

And of course she enthusiastically wants to know about me . . .

And I feel really strange writing it.

"I was a secretary and performed with a local improv group that took itself too seriously. Then I was so poor I sold everything and worked in Antarctica. Because the party party lifestyle and the fact that I didn't have to deal with "real life" in America was so great -- I stayed there and hid for years. Now I'm half back, but ruined forever. I no longer believe in the healing magic of love and I think kids just make you old too soon and suck up all your money. I drink too much, never bathe, and hang out with ruffians who hunt with bows, drive huge trucks, and get into bar fights."

Whooo hooo.

And suddenly I wonder . . . was I just fooling myself way back then? Was I always THIS, and just pretending to be Then?

I always sort of felt out of water most of the time I was in college . . .

Or was I wholly me Then as well, and just evolved into This? Did Then provide the blocks for This?

Or is THIS totally not who I am, and somehow I was blown off the path of what I always should have been, and ruined everything forever?

Have I failed? Miserably?

Or have I just walked a path that doesn't look normal when viewed with Then's eyes, but seems really cool and great and happy-making Now?

Have you noticed this theme before? I certainly have . . . since I've been writing about it for what seems like years. I'm hoping it's just about being in that middle age . . . I'm old enough to look back and have a past with some significance -- and I'm positioning myself for the next half -- trying to make it all seem connected somehow.

My sister is working on a project about narrative and how we try to force our lives into one.

Maybe that's just what's plaguing me . . .

The Power of American Freedom

Standing in the middle of a storm, triumphantly waving an American flag at a hurricane has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever seen.

Do you actually think that the hurricane gives a shit?

The Coming Fall

Today the weather is overcast and cold. Only 54F when I was driving home from my parents' house.

Delightful!

The wet, cold smell in the air makes me think of Christchurch.

Almost time to start the season anew!

Most Offensive Thing Said by a McCain Supporter

"Finally . . . a vice president you can jack off to."

What the fuck is that?